Chart query

[Rose]

Greetings all,

I received an email from a reader regarding her difficult chart. I am posting her query here and welcome your input if you feel inspired to help this person.

december 18, 1968
in fresno, california
11:45 pm

dear rose,

i have been following you for sometime. i have been wanting to write to you about my chart.

i have found out what i know about my chart by people who specialize in pluto. astrologers gasp when they see my chart. the only advice i have ever gotten about my situation is "discipline" and by the time you are 40 "you will be able to turn flesh into stone". i was also told i have a one in a million chart.

i have held firm and have road out this night mare and that is the only word for it. i am about to turn 40 and while i think i have managed through the worst i think the world is taking a turn for the worst and to be honest i have no hope for the reward part.

i was born with pluto on my ascendant, exact. it has squared, opposed all the important and serious planets in my chart. i survived 6 major head injuries, left home at 15 and took care of myself without any help. there was never any help offered, ever and when it has, it has had abusive attachments to it.

then pluto transit in 95, well let's just say when things could not get worse they did. the last 14 years, i had a brain tumor i fought for 8 years alternatively, my whole family died and not one of them was prepared or had money, a boyfriend tried to murder me and over the last 2 years i have lost everything and have ended up pretty much homeless.

i have worked so hard my whole life, i have never given up ever and i just do not see what all of this has been for? i have in the last month put out 35 resumes. i cannot get work and i am not willing to compromise myself for work. this next week i have to turn my phone off and close the last few accounts i have, then hopefully somewhere down the road pay the bills.

i am attaching a resume of me so that you can get the big picture of how much schooling i have had, how hard i have worked. the resume shows only half of the education and skills, also i have projects i have been working on for 10 years in some cases. know one will listen to me and lately i feel like i am not even here or here in a way that people see and hear you. like i am on the out skirts? hard to explain.

another issue that has scared the tar out of me is transporting in my car to other states. i am in one state, i get dizzy and the next thing i know i am somewhere else.

i have been on the road for the last 2 years. i felt i would try and just follow the voice and it has taken me all over the place, living in my car, door opens i go there, door closed i am show where to go next. do you think that the universe is trying to give people opportunity to do the right thing? i come in and show them the way and they cannot get out of their own resistance to see that i am the messenger that they have asked for and they abuse me and let me limp off. i just do not get it? i think i am to far ahead of the times and the planet is going backwards. the pluto on my ascendant brings peoples darkness right to the surface and no matter how nice i am they just feel that pluto, darkness polarity. it has served me well in alternative medicine work, but not in friendships, relationships. i have been single now for 10 years. it has been hard to go it completely alone, but i have done it.

anyway i know you have to make money and i have none to offer. i can offer something in the future if you need alternative medicine. i work on some many levels and most people that i have worked with have survived their illnesses and in some cases have had a instant turn around. with the pluto opposing my chiron i can bring up the darkness, connect into the places where sickness lives and bring it up and heal it.

i know i am the master, i came here that way, i have done nothing but become it and i know that pluto in my natal and transiting since 95 can be extremely painful. i know i am here to change the world, i have known my whole life, but i also have this sense over the last couple of years that my work might not be needed now as we did not make the shift offered in 95 and this is why everything is going the way it is for me.

i am trying to figure out if it is time for me to leave this experience? if i can get my work out and make a difference? i have given my entire life to spirit and have been what feels like force to at every turn. like a dog on a chain, tied to his house, abandon and every time he gets a new idea he runs for it and is jerked back and beaten for it. all he wants to do is love unconditionally and always does not matter what.

the whole dog thing came up a couple of days ago and it is totally how i feel my whole life has been.

i will send my birth data in the next email with my resume.

my chart might interest you, it has many natal aspects and the aspects over the last 12 years or so. many astrologers have reported that they are shocked i am still physically alive after seeing my chart. i do not think they have really looked at most of it, scares them and is out of their knowledge base area. if you have classes or students and you want to put my chart up for debate, you may, i would love to hear about it.

cheers to pluto,
bd

I have several projects on the back burner:



1) National wellness centers, I have a business model and plan I have been working on and perfecting 10 years.



2) Children's books, I am working on books, a series of them. Based in my own experiences such as resurrecting bugs from the dead about age 5, being taught by trees and mastering conscious symbology. They are stories of a little girl having journeys between both worlds at the same time.



3) wilderness/medical/survival gear, I have numerous ideas/designs for new products for the market in wilderness medicine, military, based on the lack of products like these and the necessity I have for them. I feel in love with wilderness medicine and survival.

New business projects that have been developing over the last two years.



1) National food coops with one head office and only local organic produce is sold. This would help America with the food crisis.



2) Business consulting/pr/marketing and assistance in self publishing company that only caters to the alternative markets. We have many amazing things coming out of the alternative collective and they are not the type of people who know what to do next and thus their thoughts, ideas and products never make into the public arena.



these are the other projects. i am just trying to give you a sense of who i am when it comes to my birth data and events that have happened since born.

i was born december 18, 1968
in fresno, california
11:45 pm

and yes, i almost died and was told i would have severe brain damage because of the force applied to get me out after 18 hours. typical pluto stuff! i also had a stigmata 3 times during age 4 to 5. after is when i stared healing animals and resurrecting bugs from the dead, no shit! i have never met another person like myself and would love too.

[Rose]

Dear DB,
Hello B,

Thank you for following my work. I'm sorry I have very little free time to devote to answering questions of this nature, but I will post it on my website to see if some of my students or readers would like to help you out.

In the meantime, here are some off the top thoughts for you...

You seek freedom, liberation, truth, relatedness, one-ness, unity and a sense of belonging, but the issue you face is learning how to refine your soul’s anxiety re all of the above. Your soul’s (hyper) anxiety (and impatience) keeps you enmeshed in your trauma consciousness and translates into extremity as a way of life. Like attracts like, it’s what you know best (extremes of experience and relating to yourself) and when you don’t own it, you’ll project it and find that it’s fed back to you through others and the circumstances you meet up with.

You are meant to re-meet with your past – the intention, of course is to burn it off. Your balsamic sun/moon blend indicates that you are at a culminating point (finishing point regarding some of your more key karmic relationships/lessons.) Your first house planets show that in order to finish off, you need to experience these old patterns and circumstances, but to add new elements/new experiences that will inform the soul and bring you new understandings – understandings that will allow you to let yourself off the hook. These new experiences and understandings will eventually serve inform your inner self that you can indeed relinquish this trauma conscious and these traumatic experiences and relationships. You are also meant to demonstrate to the karmic links (people from the past) that you are a new person, that you have new understandings and insights, and that you are not “more of the same” (or “more of the same you”) so to speak - your warrior self, your resilient self, your enduring self. Experience will eventually help you to develop more objectivity re what is a true or essential need, and who is worthy of your attention, heart and gifts, this in contrast to allowing yourself to be over-exposed to traumatic experiences/relationships all over again. In learning how to refine your soul’s anxiety, you need to learn the art of listening in a more dynamic way – this is why you have been given the clairvoyant abilities and healing talents you obviously have.

There isn’t a heck of a lot of preplanning you can do to undertake your life’s journey. “I am called” is definitely your path. You are a Chironic shaman – the wounded healer is often an environmental antagonist – yes, you can easily/readily reflect shadow (to those who choose or need to learn through this vehicle) and the experience can be harsh for one who wants to find and radiate only light. Sagittarius is an alienation archetype, but as you move through your life, you can/will learn to become better integrated. I understand your need not to compromise, but in order to support yourself through a vocation, you must find a way to join side by side and to create acceptance (and community if you truly want it) for yourself without strife. Perhaps a key lies in helping your soul to understand that you do not need to fight for your freedom, that you already have it. Another lies in the fact that you do not have convince anyone of anything – least of all that you need to prove that you are deserving of honourable attention, freedom, respect, equality, love, etc. When you are in a place of absolute knowing for yourself, then you will begin on the path to healing. You may spend more time alone than you may want to, but your chart is set to keep you in motion, and you will be pulled into relationships and circumstances when the time is right (this is familiar to you.) Your life/your growth is not meant to stop. Potential is always in front of you. The upcoming Pluto in Capricorn transit through your fourth house is meant to force you to reformulate your self image and ego awareness, to put sufficient boundaries in place, to be more self regulating - especially to tame and refine your instinctual nature which swings from extremes. If you are wondering why your instincts sometimes gets you into hot water, it’s because of the inconsistencies of your emerging self is still very much informed by your past self/past experiences and this creates the inconsistencies - your instincts are sometimes prompted from the distortions of your past egos/past life fears and anxieties, and sometimes from your more ancient self – the more self mastered one. As you come to more inner accord and mature inwardly, you will see that your life will deliver less trauma and more light.


Many Blessings,
Rose

[Rose]

Greetings all...

The person who made this inquiry has sent me the following and I post it here for your inspiration...

i just wanted to share with you a couple of things, things that came up, saw clearly! i know that part of it has to do with you, the energy you took to share with me and i really appreciated it you might not ever know how much.

in 1994 in may of that year i moved here to spokane. was a small town girl in nevada up until then. within a month i closed my business and left to Spokane area. by the way i grew up and lived on my pluto line my entire life. after being her about a month i found this group of people and a lakota Sioux woman, she was a powerful medicine woman, to this day she is the most powerful person i have ever seen, her and my great grandmother run neck and neck. i do not know if i told you but i come from 2 old bloodlines, the old goddess line and a line from Russia. i had a stigmata 3 times between age 4 and 5. it has been an intense life. so this medicine woman took me under her wing and i studied with her for about a year. i just finally finished that one year of work last summer....there is a chance we will be working together in 2 different projects:


my guide woke me up this morning with the story of moses. it is not moses that makes this story important, but the story it's self. i am going to share my take on it and you will see.

when moses got to the great rock, standing above the water he looked back to see thousands of people behind him waiting and afraid. moses was trembling as he knew that not only his life but the lives of all of these people depended on him. inside he had been battling his inner demons and there voice were loud in his head. the voices were saying things like " no they are going to know you are a fraud", "you have lead them here to be murdered, you murderer", and who do you think you are God?". shaking moses picks up his staff and uses it as a leg in which to balance himself. he raises his hand and arm to the sky he then tells God that they are ready for him to open the sea, like he had promised her would do. God's reply was, "no you open the sea moses!" moses began to tremble more, his worse fear was happening, God was not going to open the sea, what kind of game is he playing and how could he forsake moses after all he had done. moses then again asks, "god open the sea!" and God replies again, no you do it moses. moses began to cry, he fell to his knees, he thought about the massacre that would claim the people who he lead here, he thought about the fact he had been following a voice, a voice he really had no idea if it was real or some mental illness on his part and he thought what have i done! no begging God humbly he asks again, "please open the sea!" then in a loud stern voice God says' "you open the sea moses or all will parish". in that moment moses had no choice and if he could of choose to be somewhere else he would have been. he stood for all that mattered and raised his hands to the heavens holding his staff and his breath and bellowed out with as much power as he could muster and he said, " i command the sea to open!" and to his astonishment it did. his lesson was to use his power as the creator and command all that is around him, no compromise is necessary if you are God.

good story to wake up to. i am going to be commanding what i want today from my heart and i wish you the same!

blessings, b

[Missing Link]

Tired, you pull into a forgotten road house, old posters tacky furniture, you order a meal and stare at the yellowing photo of some guy in Florida fighting a giant marlin… the door opens again a guy comes in, kind of a beaten down tired look, he’s wearing the same jacket as you.
“How long you had that car?” You answer. He goes on, “Reminds me of Noah’s Ark you have animals in there too?” You say no but add that is probably not a bad idea, you both laugh. You decide to tell him the dream. He listens then after a pause and a refill begins to speak.

Holy barracuda that’s a powerful dream, meaning seems pretty clear, messianic all the way, I know you said it’s not about Moses but I’ll tell you what Moses is one of my favorite dudes. His name means drawn out of the water. Did you know it took eighty years for him to become useful? First he almost dies in a male infanticide, same as Jesus almost did. Then he gets put in a basket in a river then adopted into the Pharaohs’ house and given back to his own mother to be nursed. Raised in a foreign culture and highly educated for 40 years then he kills a man in righteous retribution for abusing another, but he gets turned in by the very people he was helping. He runs. Now his spiritual education and humbling begin, 40 years in service as a shepherd in the wilderness. 40 years a stranger in a strange land. He did not become useful until he was eighty. Talk about an apprenticeship. For some reason he didn’t speak well, and he didn’t trust God to speak through him, so his brother Aaron did most of the talking.

He never made it to the promised land, Ya, he struck the rock twice demanding water, water came but God held that against him, in his arrogance he struck Jesus, so they say he was the rock. But I think he represents the law without mercy where only grace can enter in.

I gotta go now...see ya at the next road house.

[Missing Link]

Another roadhouse, setting sun low and orange, a juke box plays that old eagles song ‘Desperado … come down from your fences and open a gate.’ You recognize the tired guy and the jacket through the window. Conversation comes easy.

I understand that out of phase feeling I’ve been like that my whole life too. Dog on a chain think I get that too. Only thing to do is hang on couple years 3 at the most things will really turn around. Dogs on a chain for a couple reasons owners ignorant doesn’t know dogs are meant to run. Owners got himself on a chain. Doesn’t realize how loyal that dog is. Usually some crazy guilt thing afraid the dogs gonna bite when he’s just lonely and wants a job. Dogs got two choices dig or wait. He can dig down into that good earth uncover the pole sit quiet on the porch wait for that owner to change.

Guess we are different on the work thing my family’s all workers keeps my lightning grounded. I love this earth like water. I was lost until I fell here.

You are from the future but the future isn’t here yet and the past isn’t quite finished with you, can’t fight time baby comes when it’s ready.

Sag needs the earth, earth needs the lightning, lightning needs the sky, sky needs the night, night needs to wait, wait for the dawn, it’s not far now, horizons starting to glow. You didn’t miss the boat. You are just your own weather system seeking ground.

Galactic center at your back Moon on your left Sun on your right you are the vector be patient with your human side…things are different here.

“Are you ex military I get that feeling from you like you crashed in the desert on the run from some galactic bad apples don’t worry they won’t find you…earth protects us…